Be Prepared to Pay for Your Own Meal When Dining Out

The Split Second-In Consideration of Others in These Trying Times or Look Up from the Phone

 I am back trying to get my unpublished book “The Split Second:  In Consideration of Others or Look Up from the Phone and How to Deal with Rudeness in Others” published. I will not give up for right now whatsoever; however, there is enough “pushback” against my concept of a society where we all get along and are nice to each other. Then there are others who motivate me to go on with this project. I am incredibly grateful to them. I hope I can get the good word out there. Some love it; some think it is useless.

This is the third blog of a three-part sort of offering (but I must think there will be more). This can be a relevant issue considering how many people dine out at restaurants.

I have been discussing the concept of when two or more people go out for a meal in a restaurant, how should paying the bill be settled. I find there can be much confusion over this. There are those who still think, as a rule, those of us who like to go out to eat occasionally, should follow some old-fashioned customs. I will mention one custom that we all need to let go of when dining out with others. One old-fashioned custom is that the check or tab will automatically go to the person who made the original invitation when it comes to the table. This is very outdated, and in my mind, it is ridiculous. If most, if not all of us, followed this rule, I would be paying for so many meals for friends and loved ones because I do a lot of inviting others. I think some people will hold on to this so that if they are the invitees, they can get out of paying for their meal.

Some years ago, I invited a family member and his wife to an extremely expensive meal. When the check came, the two of them just sat there (I like to use the expression, “they sat on their hands.” There was no effort to compensate for their own meals. In the moment, I thought it best not to say anything. When I look back on that evening, I wish I had said something. I am sure I would have been told, “But you invited us.” In today’s world, that is no excuse to get out of paying or a meal. By the way, neither one sent me a thank you note, called me, or even texted me with appreciation for the meal.

I write this over and over in my works as advice to those who go to restaurants: do not assume someone else is “picking up the tab” or paying for the meal unless she/he has clearly said she/he will do so. The one inviting versus the one invited rule is long gone.

My book is about thoughtfulness for others. Many have told me that this is slipping away in society. I believe that we can truly become a society where we can all think of others as we “go out in the world.”  It must start somewhere.