Get Over It or Not

The Split Second-In Consideration of Others in These Trying Times

I thank all of you who have been so supportive as I try to get support for my unpublished book The Split Second:  In Consideration of Others or Look Up from the Phone and How to Deal with Rudeness in Others. I still have faith that I can have the experience of having it published. I need to find ways to “get the word out,” and that is what is difficult for me right now. If any of you want to “spread the word,” I would be very grateful. My website is: rwblakeauthor.com. My problem now is “spreading the word.”  And I still do not have the slightest idea of how postings on social media go “viral.” If someone wants to educate me on that, I would be grateful.

I have a chapter in my book on empathy. Empathy is different from sympathy in that with sympathy, a person has been through an incident, usually unfortunate, that another person has experienced. The first person can attest to the second person that he/she has a good idea of what the other one just might be feeling. If I am that second person, I appreciate getting comfort from someone who has “been there.” The words of the first person will indeed be comforting and will probably make me feel better about things and life. Empathy is different in that the first person has not been through what the second person is experiencing. However, the first person can express comfort and say that he/she is “here for you” to the second person. The wrong phrase to use here would be, “I know what you’re going through” when indeed the first person hasn’t been there. It is at funerals and their aftermath that this phrase should never be used. The one suffering could lash out back at the first person and say, “No, you don’t know what I am going through!”

The other issue I bring up here is what I consider to be a very unfortunate expression used by folks who do not want to be empathetic whatsoever, “Get over it!” More often the one who says that disgusting line (it is to me) does not want to hear sadness, low spirits, or words that are “downers” from a good friend or loved one. At the very beginning of my separation from my wife many years ago now, my own father and brother were forthcoming with that line many times. Neither one had a bad marriage as I had (and I am glad their marriages were/are very happy ones). I can attest that they had no idea whatsoever what it was like to endure a separation of marriage and then a divorce. The many of us who have endured know. In fact, I did receive comfort from many friends who had “been there.” The Split Second states that when someone else is suffering for whatever reason, the words, “Get over it1” can make life more difficult for that person. Let’s watch what we say in moments like this one.